Yes, I know this is an odd topic for my blog. However, it could be the most important lesson in your life. Sociopathic people are dangerous, manipulative and don’t give a damn about you! READ CAREFULLY!
NOTE: This blog post was originally on my friend Sam Bakhtiar’s fitness blog. I want to share it here with you as well.
Because my blog readers seek answers, help and guidance to enhance their lives; I think it is critical that you know what to avoid, as much as what to move towards. I am always honored to help you. I also know that you likely seek help from other experts. So, this is a “heads up” to keep you safe.
Here’s a quick back story:
I, JSE, have been the victim of more than one sociopath. They were a former girlfriend (many years ago), an employee, and a business associate. Believe me, I have my sociopathic radar on constant high alert now.
The crazy part about being a victim (and that’s what you are) of a sociopath is that you start to think that you are nuts. They are so good at their craft, you are wondering if you are just imagining things. You are not. That crap is real!
I learned why I had “attracted” these jack asses. Through discovery, I learned that sociopaths seek out those who are willing to help and those they can “extract” from. I’ve always wanted to help as many people as possible, and each of these three people had something to gain (money, prestige, power, opportunity, a list).
Here’s a funny example: Have you ever watched The Bachelor TV show? (Ok …ok, I watch it sometimes…. I live with my wife and two teen girls).
Anyway…. Have you noticed that the women in the group will often learn how manipulative and conniving one of the women are? They all see it. They know the girl is a whack job. Yet, the bachelor is blinded by the manipulation, odd attraction and persuasion. The women have never been wrong. In the end, the guy gets the clues, or is screwed over in some way. Yes, it can be reverse with the dude being a wackadoo as well!
Why the bachelor example? It’s a perfect snap shot of what you should notice in your own life. If a group of people who don’t all know each other, who all have different background, different business models, different political views, and represent both genders, all come to the same basic conclusion about someone – THEY ARE RIGHT!
In each of my experiences with sociopaths, I was told by others I respect (but foolishly ignored)… “Say away from him, he is up to no good, there is something wrong with her, that guy is a dirt bag, he is creepy” ….and the list goes on!
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO:
Pay attention to your gut. This is your enteric nervous system. Check out this info.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enteric_nervous_system
Don’t rely on testimonials provided by coaches, mentors or self-proclaimed gurus. Do other research and protect yourself.
1. If someone/something feels sliming, dirty, manipulative, subliminal, sneaky, stealth, or unethical – RUN LIKE HELL. Yes, there is likely intimidation involved if you try to run. F’em, run any ways. It’s all BS.
2. If anyone has befriended you (maybe at an oddly convenient time to benefit them), be cautious.
3. If someone in your organization is strongly disliked by others, get rid of them. There is likely far more to the story that you realize.
4. If it seems there is an intentional build up of excitation just before you are asked to do something (or buy in) and it just doesn’t feel right, DON’T DO IT. It’s been part of their plan for a long time. You just caught on late.
Here is a list of ways to identify a sociopath.
This list is from “Profile of a Sociopath.” It is a pretty good list of sociopathic indicators.
Glibness/superficial charm
Manipulative and conning
Grandiose sense of self
Pathological lying
Lack of remorse, shame or guilt
Shallow emotions
Incapacity for love
Need for stimulation
Callousness/lack of empathy
Poor behavioral controls/impulsive nature
Early behavior problems/juvenile delinquency
Irresponsibility/unreliability
Promiscuous sexual behavior/infidelity
Lack of realistic life plan/parasitic lifestyle
Criminal or entrepreneurial versatility
Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
Authoritarian
Secretive
Paranoid
Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
Conventional appearance
Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)
Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim’s life
Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim’s affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
Incapable of real human attachment to another
Unable to feel remorse or guilt
Narcissism, grandiosity (self-importance not based on achievements)
May state readily that their goal is to rule the world 😉
source: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_know_if_someone_is_a_sociopath
Another interesting thing about sociopaths is that their mental defect (and it is just that) is usually spurred from some type of adolescent or teen event such as a troubled youth, abandonment, extreme loss, abuse, etc.
ALTHOUGH THIS IS SAD, YOU CANNOT FIX THEM. DO NOT TRY. JUST STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM THEM. THEY ONLY WANT TO TAKE FROM YOU.
Final notes:
An interesting thing you can observe about sociopaths is the following: They will often modify their appearance as they mold into new surroundings or try to represent themselves to those they want to victimize. They will often have legal problems of some type (law suits/threats), and will constantly seek new victims as others catch on to their efforts to deceive and manipulate. People in their business/industry will – over time – realize their sociopathic “skills” and disband from their group.
Casey Anthony is a classic (yet extreme) example of a sociopath. Constant lies, manipulation, lack of remorse, story spinning and now this crazy new look, as part of her reinvention to work her “magic” all over again. It doesn’t end, and you cannot fix them, you just have to run in the other direction.
The more successful you become, the more sociopaths will try to “extract” from you. Catch on early and RUN. Don’t worry, these sociopaths are already on to their next victim. It’ in their DNA. It’s a revolving door of deception, manipulation and greed.
I should add one more comment… Sociopaths will build you up, “let you in” and then break you down so they “have more power” – so they think! They will also take credit for your success. Sound familiar? You will notice that these people have a revolving door in their “inner circle”. Those who have been manipulated over time have enough and get the hell away. Ironically, often times when you try to warn “newbies” of the sociopath’s ways they often say something like “he/she has been good to me”. Then you get the call or email that says, “Damn, you were right. I wish I would have listened.” They follow up with the details of what was extracted from them – money, time, love, ideas. The final comments from the new victim are usually something such as “I wish I would have seen the signs and listened. It just didn’t feel right! I wondered why everyone jumped ship!”
REMEMBER: A sociopath (or someone with serious borderline personality disorder) CANNOT CHANGE. So, if they “go away” and then claim they have changed their ways, they have not. Don’t believe for a second that their brain functions any differently….. it’s isn’t any different. The only change is the way they will try to snow you.
Ironically, when a sociopath reads this blog post, he will deny being a sociopath and think this is about someone else. Funny…. and scary!
If you like, share your story below.
Thanks. Be safe!
JSE
Efrain guerrero says
Very true JSE, thanks for keeping it real and always standing above the rest, your a good guy.
JSE says
Hey Efrain, It just pisses me off when these type of people take advantage of others. They serious do not care of the damage that it causes you. Fortunately, in the fitness, internet marketing and personal development industries, they guys are going down in flames.
reader r. says
Unfortunately , India is a place where acceptance and tolerance are second nature to the population, and psychology is relatively unknown. It’s a veritable goldmine for sociopaths, particularly – the every growing numbers of self proclaimed ‘gurus’, two of which I had the misfortune to meet and become entangled with for a length of time.
Lucky for me I was blessed with insight and intuition – as well as a pretty good level of intelligence – so I did find my way out. Recovery was and is a lengthy and painful process, but it certainly beats the hell out of staying in such a situation.
Tricia says
Wow, that’s a perfect description of our current prez. Spooky similarities…tyrrany, despotic control, grandiosity, nacissistic, from “contemptuous” on down….this list nails it!
Mike Massie says
Great blog post JSE. So many gurus who are involved in online marketing are confidence men (and women). Sadly, I frequently encountered this in my years in the martial arts industry, and those experiences became the impetus for writing a book to help instructors avoid being taken advantage of by such people. It’s actually worse in the martial arts industry, as the nature of martial arts training tends to attract sociopathic people who become paper masters, who then take advantage of the codependent students they attract. Again, great post and greatly appreciated as well.
JSE says
Yo Mike. Thanks for your well thought out comment. I have seen this in martial arts, internet marketing, fitness and self-help. You just need to be on high alert and listen when many people warn you. Our biology helps keep us safe (see links on post). We just don’t always listen until it’s too late.
Dr.Lawrence walker says
Dear John, this post is a god send
I have been waiting for several years to write a letter to a person that had deceived me and others
this person fits the (MO) of all of the above they attempt to make the victim feel that their are the
ones who are the culprits.
I have had friends who also did not listen and as you said a few months later they said man you were
right, i also agree that we can become victims because of our want every thing in an instant society
short cut,mindset like a shark to blood we will be attacked used.
This same person is still out there doing the same thing to others from state to state, country it seems
with impunity, well thank to this post i am going to see to it that this parasite stops feeding and the only
way is to not be a victim in the 1st place go to reputable persons only,and if deceived do not feel ashamed
report them to the proper people.
Thanks Doc.
Gordon Bell says
The website address I entered above is a website I created just to help warn perspective victims of a very slick con man, ex gym owner and triathlete. I have had many other of his victims contact me and not one will allow me to post their names. I guess fear of I don’t know what does not help others from a similar destiny. One victim told me they lost $9,500 plus many more thousands by following his insane advice. I was taken for $5,000 plus thousands in expenses. I believe so strongly in justice and sincerely hope everyone goes to http://www.martinhowey.org so they too can beware. His stuff is very tempting so, everyone should know about him. Your post is awesome and heroic I applaud you John!!! THANK YOU! Please feel free to contact me.
Barb Rambow says
Thank You John for reminding us that not everyone has our best interest in mind by posting your friends blog. It is an important reminder to follow your intuition with surity, not fear. John, I took your life coaching courses and find this posting a bit out of alignment with your teachings. The suggestion people are victims of anyone or anything disempowers them. You are well regarded throughout the community and people listen to you, so please empower them as you have so many, with clear conscious thought.
JSE says
Hi Barb, Thanks for your honest feedback. Actually, this is in 100% alignment with my work. I value honesty, integrity and ALWAYS doing the right thing for all people involved. I stand in disgust of people who take advantage of others. Any program I have created (or ever will) hold these same standards.
Also, to clarify, fear can be intuition. That is your body telling you to pay attention. So, in some cases, fear is the best thing that can happen. It keeps you safe.
Babara says
John, you just described with frightening accuracy my former business partner. I was angry at myself for a long time for not seeing through the facade, but I quickly realized that there are many others who have experienced this as well. In the end, all I can really say is that it was an ‘education’ I’ll never forget! Thanks for a great post!
Cory says
Great article. Here is a good video on identifying different psychopaths.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMG1qjpzNPg&list=UU-7vnmA1Zf1cRyqs9aR77ag&index=3&feature=plcp
zee says
Great article. When I was in my early 20s I was part of very controlling group. I woke up one day after 5 years and realize how I was been manipulated. I got out and tried to warned others, to no avail.
What I got out that experiences, was the ability to sense and see how someone is trying to manipulate me or the situation I am in.