Every entrepreneurial journey is filled with roadblocks and obstacles. Overcoming these challenges builds our self-concept and confidence to achieve our goals.
But what happens when the same kind of obstacle keeps appearing every time you try to move forward in your business (or life for that matter)? What if it feels like you’re spinning your wheels and can’t seem to get unstuck?
The truth is, you might be self-sabotaging your way to success.
What is self sabotage?
Self-sabotage is a very common phenomenon, especially with coaches, fitness trainers, and entrepreneurs who push themselves toward greatness. When you sabotage yourself, you unconsciously take actions that move you away from your goals. The whole thing is ironic when you think about it. Our goal as trainers and coaches is often to keep our clients from self-sabotaging particular aspects of their life.
Here’s what self sabotaging looks like in action:
- Blowing off an important client meeting because you suddenly don’t feel well
- Deciding to put a big project “on hold” right when it’s near completion
- Finding fault in clients, colleagues and partners and engaging in conflicts that are always their fault, but never yours.
Self-sabotage can be tricky to identify because it’s often an unconscious process. After all, you want to succeed, right?
On the surface, it appears that you’re working towards your goals, but everyone else is stopping you from achieving them. In reality, it’s your actions, perceptions, and thoughts that are holding you back.
Why am I self sabotaging?
It doesn’t make sense, does it?
Why in the world would you want to move away from the very goal you’ve committed to achieving?
Well, as Marianne Williamson puts it, “our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”
In other words, succeeding can be scary. It means putting yourself out there and taking a real risk. You might have a lot of subconscious fears about what will happen when you succeed.
Fears like….
- Will my friends and family somehow think less of me if I achieve this goal?
- What if I achieve success but can’t sustain it?
- What if success opens me up to criticism I can’t handle?
- What if success reveals me to be a fraud?
There is a certain amount of conflict that needs to take place in order to evolve to a higher level. When you take a step up by moving towards a goal, whether that goal is personal or professional, it’s normal to experience some internal chaos as you become a better version of yourself.
It is the fear of this process, and the fear of losing yourself in the “chaos,” that makes many people subconsciously sabotage themselves.
3 Ways to Stop Self Sabotaging Today
It’s possible to step the self-sabotage cycle, but like any form of self-improvement, it takes work, self-awareness, and the willingness to get uncomfortable.
- Look for patterns in your life
Chronic self sabotaging appears as patterns in different areas of your life.
Common patterns include..
- Personal or professional relationships that always end after a set amount of time (6 months, a year, etc)
- Entering into big business deals with a partner you barely know
- Suddenly losing interest in a project just as you’re about to finish it
- Conflicts, illnesses, or accidents that suddenly “happen” right before a big event, speaking gig, book launch, or seminar
Looking for patterns means looking beyond the details of each individual situation and finding common themes that tie each sabotage together.
- Identify discomfort
Once you’ve admitted that there is a pattern to your self sabotage, look for an element of that pattern that makes you the most uncomfortable.
For example, let’s say you were in the process of self-publishing your first book. You hired an editor who ended up doing a terrible job. As soon as you fired the editor, you became distracted by a new coaching program that looked really promising…
Does the thought of revisiting the book make you really uncomfortable?
Probably, because finishing the book would be a direct move toward success. In this example, it’s easy to use the bad editor as an excuse to throw in the towel and sabotage all the work you’d put into the book. The dread and discomfort you feel at the thought of finding a new editor and finishing the project is precisely why you should stick with it, and skip the allure of the coaching program (at least until you’ve finished the book).
- Do the thing you think you cannot do
After identifying patterns and areas of discomfort, commit to pursuing the action that you do not want to do.
Your resistance and discomfort are signs that the action in question is precisely what you need to do in order to break free of self sabotage for good.
So make the phone call you’ve been putting off, write the book you dread writing, and push yourself to perform at a level higher than what you’re comfortable with.
Doing so will stop you from self sabotaging by proving to you that you’re capable of handling much more success than you think.
NOTE: I’m here to help you. Try my free online coaching, the JSE Mastermind or the One-on-one 1-Day Intensive Program.
Nkeoma Agu says
Hi John.Thanks for the article.
Jennifer says
My preferred method of self-sabotage: procrastination. While working in my former career, a dear friend said to me, “You are a powerhouse. What are you doing here?” Her words have resonated with me for years, at times pushing me and motivating me to pursue my dream of being a successful wellness coach, and at times scaring the heck out of me, so I continue counseling and staying in my safe environment. I looked at the Spencer institute site for about 8 years before signing up for a class. Agh!! This article says it all–self-sabotage. Why? When we know we can do better?!?!
Jeremy says
Thank you JSE for your continued support of our success! I especially found the last paragraph effective!